We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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