The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
