I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
