ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
