yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
