are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
