Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
