Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
