Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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