Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FUCK WHALES
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
