So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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