i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Barsexuality is the new black.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
