he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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