Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
