So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
