Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
