I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
