My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
