Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
