im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
