I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
