I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
