we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
