Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
