The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
