Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
