happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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