Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
