dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
