If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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