24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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