Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
