For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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