You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize