bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
