So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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