I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
