i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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