Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
