I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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