You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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