i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Someone signed my nipple.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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