So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
