I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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