Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize