i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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