Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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