I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
