This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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