Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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