I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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