We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nutella sex= disaster
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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