i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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