I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
