the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
