i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
