I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
