You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
