and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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