I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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