It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
