We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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