The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
