if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
