My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
