What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
