I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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