I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
