Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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