How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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