Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
