and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
