i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
