my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
